I graduated four months ago. I'm now a waitress/bartender at a decent pub in Harborne. It's the kind of job surely everyone has to do at some point, just to keep up with paying rent and suchlike whilst life is unfolding and maturing its decent stage of living. I hoped I could skip that bit, however, when I was still studying, and didn't think I'd have to join the masses.
When I was in education, I was constantly reassured that I would go far in life because I was above average intelligence and had finely tuned my common sense and practical problem-solving abilities. Apart from being fit, I had most things that you need to succeed in life. Unfortunately, whilst I was noticably intelligent I chose to continue education in a degree that is looked down on by most people. Having a degree at a good University doesn't mask the fact that the degree is in 'Drama and Theatre Arts'. I've had the opportunity to break the ice with customers at the pub when they ask me what I'm doing with my life ("So, are you still a student?") by joking with them that the reason I'm a waitress is that I graduated with a Drama degree. Funny the first couple of times. Now tedious.
So today I had an awful revelation that I'm at this point. The constant reassurance from teachers and my parents that I would go far, as well as the envy from friends, hasn't quite panned out yet. The addition of 'yet' is progress. At least now I'm realising that whilst I may not be where I hoped I would, there's still time. Being a waitress is just a stop-gap job, which the pub understands, and I can still persue a better paid and more fulfilling job. Something that will, I hope, mean that I can be a parent and a wife in the future.
This whole thing has been brought on not just by the usual self-consciousness that I endure but also by the impending doom of meeting my boyfriend's parents. I've had plenty of warning but I think that's just made my nerves worse rather than settled them. I would count this relationship as the first that I really mark as promising. It's incredible already but I see a future, too, rather than just settling for being happy right now. So meeting the parents is a big deal. I need them to really like me. My current life situation, I think, doesn't necessarily equate to leaving the best of impressions. I'm a Drama graduate (albeit from a good University - and the same their son went to) with a waitressing job (albeit I'm actually earning money and paying for things by myself...ish) and an above average waistline (though I'm overly aware of this and do not want it to increase). Credentials certainly can be improved.
Maybe it's good that I'm aware of their potential to improve. Okay, so I won't really change the fact that I'm a Drama graduate. I do however have dreams of getting either a second degree or a masters in Theology/Philosophy. Again, this is not a sought-after qualification but it seems to make my boyfriend happy whenever I tell him something interesting I learnt over the years, like Bentham's happiness scale or Kant's impossible philosophy of the imperative. That particular degree won't mean that I'll become more employable, necessarily, but it will mean that I'll have done something I really love and perhaps I'll be able to impact on others lives by teaching them that there are other ways to fulfill life's itches and the way the media portrays, or that your boss tells you, is not the only path.
But then why do I need a degree for that? Why can't I just teach myself and grow from that? Having just come out of the education system where the end product was always a certificate of some sort to prove that you've completed a course, maybe I've been conditioned to strive for that certification. Whilst I may have knowledge from GCSEs and A Levels, I've continued to read about philosophy and theology but it just hasn't sunk in. Reading about it just for pleasure seems utterly pointless because nothing sticks and other than my own satisfaction, I'm not getting anything out of it. On first look, that reasoning isn't socially acceptable. However, logically it works. If I work harder for a reward (i.e. the certification) for which I need to memorise, or at least understand enough to work through logically, the thoughts of ancient and modern philosophers, it makes sense that the most effective way would be to work towards a degree or other qualification. And because I've already completed an A Level in Philosophy and Religious Studies, a degree is the next step. Simple, logical workings.
All I'm going through is an interim period where I just need to find my feet, pay off debts (not including student loans) and get my confidence back after it's been knocked harshly by job rejections and myself as my worst critic. Though I did Drama, I did make a lot of my University life. I started a society in my first year - something not many people can say they did, or succeeded with - and that society is still going in its third year. I was an Officer. I ran for election (okay, so I put in very little effort and lost dramatically but there were circumstances). I worked for a year in Tech Services, making incredible friends. Whilst I threw a couple of years of social life away thanks to having a traumatic relationship with my last boyfriend, I could've done much worse.
I'll get life on track soon. Until then, I'm entirely unremarkable but have lots of potential.
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